Not Prepared.

Loss is never easy, but it has been a regular “thing” at Hope Street. Please don’t think I take loss lightly. Sometimes when a Member is “asked to leave” the writing was on the wall. Things were said, done, seen that caused the decision to be made as a team to ask that member to leave Hope Street. There is an element of preparation. A date is given. A list of potential resources are given. Keys are handed over. Maybe a hug is given. The apartment/room is cleaned and prepared for the next person or family. There is preparation. It’s not easy. It’s not fun. But there is preparation.

Amanda’s sudden death has rocked us all pretty hard: staff, members, and our consistent volunteers and board members. We are actually still in shock. We are showing up and doing what needs to be done. There wasn’t a time of preparation. We had a few hours to say good-bye to the girls whom we have all built a relationship with. There was no preparation in saying good bye to Amanda. We will never get to tell her how much we love her and appreciate all of the ways she served our community.

There was no preparation.

Dear Father,

Somewhere, somehow, for some reason you were prepared for that Sunday. We were not prepared. We are not prepared. You are prepared. We can’t begin to understand and the feelings are so heavy and real. We are sad. We are angry. We are in disbelief. But we are showing up. We are holding onto some thread of a tether to you because at this point at any given time that is all we have. We have to believe that you were there before, you were there during, and you are there now. We just have to.

Rach